Hospital blues
by internet weaver
Summary: Ever wonder what happens after the big fights? A humorous fic about what funimation hasn't shown you!
1. Checking in

I'd like to dedicate this story to me, who bruised his leg bone while skiing down a double black diamond trail (the hardest of the hardest of the hardest of all of the slopes). I'm not sure where this story will end. Oh, and It'll take a couple of reviews for me to upgrade.

Ever wonder what happens when our favorite detectives visit the hospital? A humorous fic about what Funimation never showed you.

* * *

"So then, suddenly, he goes into this huge speech. It's totally crazy! Here I am, totally at his mercy, and he's just refusing to shut up!" Exclaimed Yusuke. 

"Yes, Yusuke, and you've told us this story how many times?" Touya asked bitterly, trying to keep his leg elevated onto the armrest.

"But it's still a good one!" Yusuke commented, trying to keep his arm elevated.

"Excuse me, Mr. Urameshi?" asked the secretary, gazing among the five. "Doctor Bownman will see you now." She said.

"About time." He groused. "We've been here almost 10 minuets!" He said, handing her the form that he had signed with his left hand.

"Yeah!" Piqued Kuwabara. "Adrenaline doesn't last forever!"

Kurama shook his head, thanking Kami that he had the sense of mind to bring enough non-hallucinogenic painkillers for the whole group.

* * *

Yusuke followed the doctor down the long, twisting hallways. 

"Hey…doc? I don't want to sound like a nag or anything, but my arm's really starting to hurt," he said, holding it gingerly.

"Well, there's not much we can do about it." Said the doctor, not even bothering to turn around.

"Well, can you at least tell me how much further we have to go?" Yusuke asked impatiently.

"It's just around the corner," answered the doctor.

"You've said that three times," commented Yusuke. "You're not lost or anything, are you?"

"And here we are." He said, opening a set of double doors that led into a dark room.

"And exactly where is 'here'?" asked Yusuke, straining his eyes to see his surroundings.

"The X-ray room." He said curtly. "Now where do you hurt the most, and how did you hurt it?"

"My right arm. I…" he trailed off, trying to find a reasonable excuse. Who would believe 'a demon did it? "I kinda got into a fight." He said, hoping the doctor bought it.

"Any instruments used in this fight?" Asked the doctor, now interested.

"Instruments?" Asked Yusuke, picturing someone bashing his arm with a violin.

"A cuestick, beer bottle, knife, you know, any weapons?" Asked the doctor, inspecting the arm.

"Oh. Well, none hit me. Actually, thinking back on it, my…friend used one, but he didn't hit me."

"I see…," said the doctor "What you're going to do is place this lead sheet on you. Place your arm on this table like this…"  
He said, demonstrating. "The lead will stop the radiation from hitting anything other than your arm."

Yusuke complied, still clutching his arm.

"Oh, and let go of the arm, would you?"

"Yeah, sure." He said, letting go.  
He instantly wished he hadn't. The whole arm swelled like a balloon in seconds, the pain almost making Yusuke keel over.

The doctor was oblivious to all of this, having gone into the back room where Yusuke couldn't see him.

A soft 'beep' sounded from the machine, along with the soft whirring of machinery. The doctor came back again with an assistant, holding a couple of dark sheets of flimsy film. "I'll have these sent to the orthopedics module to be examined. But in the meantime, I'd appreciate it if you wouldplease follow Nurse Amy to the orthopedics room." He said, gesturing to his assistant.

Yusuke nodded, afraid that if he opened his mouth he'd scream from the pain. The swelling was still going away, but it still looked like an inflated balloon.

* * *

"MORE PAPERWORK?" He shouted incredulously. 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Urameshi, but it seems as though your insurance doesn't cover using OUR X-ray machine. Unless you sign a wavier, we can't use those results, and you'll have to go somewhere else," said the receptionist.

"SOMEWHERE ELSE?" he shouted. "WHERE?"

"Please, Mr. Urameshi, keep your voice down. You're upsetting the patients."

"Okay, fine, I'll keep it down, but will you tell me where?"

"You're registered for a Dr. Fotashima…whose office is about thirty miles from here. And I'm afraid he's on leave until 6:30.

Yusuke weighed his options carefully before finally caving. "Alright, Alright, I'll sign the damn wavier!" He exclaimed, making sure to keep his voice low as he reached for his pen.

* * *

And so the detectives and company were all successfully admitted to St. Helena's hospital. May Kami-sama have pity on the poor staff. 

List of injuries:

Hiei: broken leg, cracked/broken rib.

Kurama: deep abrasions, broken wrist, bruised leg.

Kuwabara: broken ribs, broken leg, sprained ankle.

Touya: abrasions, broken leg.

Yusuke: compound fracture, bruised ribs.

Thank you for reading! I already have written the 2nd chapter. I'll have it up once I have 3 reviews.

Also, if anyone knows how I can get a friggin' indent, please let me know! It's ruining the format!

* * *

Author's final notes: 

Flames are welcome, by the way. If you don't like the story, then, in the eternal words of my Gunnery Sgt.: 'don't bitch if you don't have a way to fix it.'

In other words, don't complain unless you can see WHERE it's wrong, and can see a way to fix it.

Don't just say: 'it sucks.' Try to say: 'it sucks at this part. Try adding more details in the scene that sucks.'

Oh, and as a side note: This is not a yaoi/shoen-ai story. I have nothing against them, but it's fairly obvious that their friendship is more that of being respectful towards one-another.


	2. Waking up

Well, I got the reviews FAR faster than I had ever expected to. As a result, I'm giving you the hospital blues pt. 2. PT. (prototype)

I'm cutting my comments short, since I have little time. The demand for reviews has been met! I am upping the # of required chapters to about…10 more. I need time to finish the 3rd chapter! I'm not even near done this story anyway! (I'm aiming for 5 chapters.)

Please alert me if you see ANY errors (indenting aside).

Good news, though. I found out my leg is fine when I take off the cast! The cast simply halts the blood flow. Good thing my dad's a doc, or else my foot would be purple! (and it was!)

* * *

Hospital blues: chapter 2. 

Morning came for Yusuke in the form of a rather loud 'bang'.

He looked around dazedly for the source of the noise, seeing the blurred silhouette of a person picking up what seemed to be a vase of flowers. Shaking the cobwebs from his head, he tried to stretch, only to find that he was hindered by a rather large cast, extending from his knuckles to his shoulder. Yusuke began to think back to the medical procedure, up to the point that they sedated him for making too much noise during the operation.

'Figures,' He thought, trying to sit up. Again, something hindered him. This time it was too many wires and tubes to count, attached to every conceivable section of his body. 'What the hell?' he wondered, gazing at the hundreds of wires. He began to yank them out.

Just as soon as he had thought this, the person, a nurse as it so happened, spoke. "Oh, you're awake." She commented, mostly to herself. "Good morning!" She said, this time directed to him, ignoring the fact that he was ripping the wires out furiously. Yusuke paused, immediately pinned this one down as 'airhead'. 

"I have a question." He said. "Are all of these wires really necessary? I broke my arm, and that's all!" He said, finding himself getting angry for no particular reason.

"Well, this monitors your heart rate, which is…110," she stated, pointing to the wire attached to his finger.

"What's that got to do with my arm?" Yusuke asked, curious.

"Well…I don't know. It's just standard procedure," she explained.

"And these…electrodes?" He asked, hoping he had gotten the term right, pointing to the suction cups on his chest.

"Oh…I don't know. It's just standard protocol, as I said," she reminded, cleaning the mess caused by the knocked over flowers. "I guess doctors don't like to take any chances because of all of the lawsuits. So don't blame them if you get a runaround. I've got to go now! Bye bye!" she said, waving before heading out.

"But then who CAN I yell at?" Yusuke whined after her.

"No one. That's just the way life is." Said Kurama's rather soothing voice.

Yusuke looked right and left for his old friend, (no pun intended), but was unable to see him.

"Down here Yusuke," said Kurama's voice, this time sounding rather irate.

Yusuke struggled to look over the corner of his raised bed, and found that Kurama was…abnormally short.

"Kurama…how high is this bed?" he asked, searching for the controls with his left hand.

"About two feet off the ground." He answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because…you seem to be, well," Yusuke struggled to find the right word, trying to use the manners Keiko had slapped into him. He gave up, knowing that Kurama could take it. "Well, shorter than Hiei."

Kurama nodded. "Well, I'm in a wheelchair," he explained. "A broken leg would normally put me in crutches, but the wrist eliminates that option."

"And I heard that, Detective." Said Hiei's sharp voice.

"There you are!" Yusuke said, seeing the tips of Hiei's hair approach the mattress. "Man, did they put you in a wheelchair too?"

"Yes, they did. And I hate the damned thing!" He spat hatefully.

"But you don't have any real arm injuries! Why didn't they put you in crutches?"

A low growl told everyone that it was a touchy subject, but the fox simply blurted the truth.

"He was too short for them. The doctors didn't have crutches that were Hiei's height!"

"Just get him some of the kid's crutches!" Yusuke said jokingly.

"Those crutches can't support his weight." Kurama said.

"Aw…too much sweet snow, Hiei?" Yusuke teased.

Do you like heated bed sheets?" Hiei said in a threatening voice.

"Is everyone else here?" He asked, ignoring Hiei's remark.

"No. Touya and Kuwabara are still out of it. Touya was hit pretty hard, and Kuwabara's sleeping."

"I see. And how did you two get out of these wires?" Yusuke asked, anxious to get out of the confining things.

"Hiei simply detached them and threatened the nurse and doctor until they gave him a wheelchair."

"I see…and how did you get out?"

"I simply wheeled my bed over and proceeded to stick the wires to you." He said casually.

"Hey! That's not cool!" Yusuke shouted, yanking out the last wires before getting up. "Let's go find the others." he said.

"I'm not going anywhere." Said Hiei. "It's humiliating that I have to move so slow. Even then, I end up crashing into walls." He said disdainfully.

"Well, Hiei, you may want to reconsider." Said Yusuke, grinning as he climbed out of the bed.

"Just tell me, Detective," snapped Hiei.

"We're going to the cafeteria first," said Yusuke.

"Hn. What's so good about the cafeteria?" Asked Hiei.

"Patients get as much sweet snow as they want for free." Yusuke whispered to Hiei.

* * *

Sorry I had to cut this one so short! I have to finish the other chapter now, along with finish some work!

The next chapter includes Touya and Kuwabara.

New limit:

10 reviews.


	3. Hospital blues, chapter 3

Hospital Blues 3

Okay, okay! Jesus!

I'm getting a lot more reviews than I expected! I opened my mailbox this morning and found that I had only 2 reviews to go until I had to update! And I hadn't even come close to finishing this chapter!

I'd like to thank all the people who understand the spacing problem. I found out why it isn't working, but not how to fix it. Apparently, the tab key made the site crash. Go figure.

If you don't understand a piece of this, e-mail me the part. And I wish someone would tell me the next time I screw up something important, like the summary! (I spelled Funimation as Funiamtion).

I hate to admit this, but this story's going to be longer than I anticipated, and I'm going to have to raise the bar on the number of reviews. I have to go to school, and I'm failing math horribly! (Two straight F's and an F on the midterm are killers.) Damn teacher's all about memorization, nothing about practical application, and I have adhd! Also, he's inconsistent. He keeps changing the plan of the day, from tests every day to notebook checks to tons of homework, to some other lame-brained idea. I'll stop boring you now and go onto the story.

* * *

"Yusuke…" Growled Hiei. "You're not lost, are you?" He asked rhetorically, already knowing (and fearing) the answer.

"Er…no." Said Yusuke, forcing himself to sound confident.

"Then tell me why we've gone past the front desk twice, the orthopedics room four times, the escalator thrice, and haven't seen an elevator yet!" He shouted.

"Relax, Hiei. Think of sweet snow." Kurama said, trying to play peacemaker. 'Great.' He thought. 'From the most feared demon thief in the spirit world, to being a mobile childcare.' He thought bitterly. "Oh, and Hiei, WATCH OUT!" He shouted.

The warning came a little late for our favorite vertically challenged demon, who had been too busy glaring at Yusuke to see that he had just run into Kuwabara, who was now on the ground, crutching his leg in pain.

"You little brat!" He growled, shakily getting up on his crutches. "You did that on purpose!" He accused, pointing at Hiei once he was stable.

"Maybe I did," Said Hiei nonchalantly.

"Don't ignore me!" ordered Kuwabara, pushing the wheelchair back with one of his crutches.

"I don't listen to fools. Go ahead, talk all you want, but I'm not listening." Said Hiei. Kurama half expected him to start singing 'I can't hear you'.

"Fine! Not listening?" asked Kuwabara, a spark in his eyes. Kurama took this as a bad sign, and though he didn't say anything, he felt compelled to wheel back a little bit.

"Not a word." Said Hiei defiantly.

"Yukina and I are engaged," proclaimed Kuwabara, causing Hiei's emotionless mask to develop a rapid-twitch. "We're going to get married next week. Imagine the wedding! Yusuke, you're the best man. Yukina suggested that Kurama be the flower girl. Guess who the bridesmaids are? Botan, Genkai, and of course, you, Hiei!" He said with a malicious grin on his face as he saw that Hiei was now completely shaken up.

'A lot of people think he's an idiot, but he notices a lot of things, like how Hiei gets wound up over him being with her.' Kurama analyzed. 'Of course, then again, he is an idiot when it comes to realizing that there are lines that he just shouldn't cross.

Hiei was now seething with rage, shaking with a fury that rocked the wheelchair side to side until it threatened to come apart.

"YOU WHAT?" He bellowed.

Kuwabara promptly shut up in favor of turning on his crutches and gimping down the hallway as fast as he could, Hiei wheeling behind him in hot pursuit. However, this pursuit was short-lived when Hiei crashed into a shiny, steel door at about 15 M.P.H., knocking both him and the wheelchair on their backs.

A silence followed the events, until Yusuke spoke:

"Hey, he found us the elevator," he said, pointing to the steel door that Hiei had run into.

* * *

Actually, I don't know why I made this a chapter, even though it is a really really small one, it doesn't flow that well into other chapters so I had to end it there. I'm not sure what to do after everyone wakes up and gets visits, though I have a few ideas.

I had originally planned on skipping the whole 'finding the cafeteria' scene and zooming ahead to when Touya wakes up, but I kept getting ideas. Oh, and who is Touya? He's not an OC, FYI. He was on team Masho during the dark tournament. I just had to have someone who was really naïve. Jin was too excitable, and Chuu (the Aussie in team rekuyoukai) was too liable to get drunk, and just didn't fill the role that well. I'll have them pop in for a visit…if I get enough reviews for it. (catch my drift?)

This is sort of a rush job, I know, but I have a huge headache and need to go to sleep for a bit, even though it's 1:29 P.M.

I also finished this the moment I got the final 2 reviews. Okay, fine, whatever. It's still a prototype, and I'm just too tired to really care right now. This season's flu takes a while to get over, since it comes in 2 stages, being really sick, then just having all the symptoms without the aches.


End file.
